Horse Moon

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Females Need Not Apply
Horse Moon
Never have I been more offended, shocked and furious in my life.

There are a few things I have come to expect about job hunting. Long hours of filling out applications and very few returned calls. I have not, however, expected blatant sexism when dropping off a resume at a prospective place of employment.

Yes, sexism. Today I was told by the attendant at "Modern Ages Tobacco and Gifts" in Athens, GA that "we aren't looking to put a female on night shift because we've been robbed in the past." He went onto explain how "it isn't a personal thing against me, but the owner wouldn't put his own wife up here and he wouldn't want to do that to anyone else's wife or girlfriend either."

I barely contained my outrage as I left the store. Never mind I worked 4pm-10pm just up the street at Rite Aid for goddess knows how many years.

And yet "the area is dangerous".

I was livid and the first thing I did was send a letter of complaint to my local free newspaper. For an insult to me as a woman is an insult to all women.

I will not stand for such an insult, good intentions be damned.

(no subject)
Horse Moon
Oh little black haired girl. Where is your heart? Your jade eyes catching the silver light of a theurge's moon. Whispering prayers against your silver seal; insight but a kiss away.

Voice Post
Horse Moon
415K 2:13
“Today has been a very trying day. I woke up on a bad note, tried to go back to sleep. Couldn't go back to sleep. Stared at the ceiling, stared at the floor. Held on to my to my stuff unicorn as hard as I could. Life just sucks right now and I tried to stay productive. Just got some plants or rather I got some pots and started sowing my Spiramids(?) for the Spring keeping those inside. It's been very cold. What can I say? News just fucking spread like wild fire and what can I say? I feel like everybody's eyes are on me and the people who are not my friends or moreover just ___ cause they're are friends with Nat. I know they are judging the crap out of me and I can't stand it. I feel so God damn exposed and so fucking defenseless(?). So fucking judged and maybe I deserve to be judged. Maybe, this is part of my punishment for being stupid and unfaithful and a horing(?) bitch but it's hard because I don't feel like anyone understands what I'm going through. I mean I hurt. This hasn't been easy for me. I'm not saying I don't deserve to be miserable for what I've done. I'm just saying I am, Nat's not the only person hurting right now because not only have I lost love in my past, I've put my relationship in my present at risk and sometimes I think it's just my destiny to die alone.”

Auto-Transcribed Voice Post - spoken through SpinVox

Voice Post
Horse Moon
127K 0:40
“Freezing out here. It's really cold because I can't stand to be inside being around people is just really really freaked me out lately. I don't like it. I had liked walked out of the fucking restaurant yesterday because there were 10M people in there and so if you gonna astound(?) me. I just wanted to do the coming today all the people dig me like like you don't care to me I really appreciate it so that's all I got to say.”

Auto-Transcribed Voice Post - spoken through SpinVox

The Truth Comes Out, At Last
Autumn Squash
There has been alot of talk and I want this done.

So here it is, out in the open.

Yes, I have cheated on Nat. Alot and for a long time. I never got over Davydd and that pain developed into a sexual addiction in my efforts to drown out my sorrow like someone else might do in times of weakness.

Instead of drugs or alcohol, I turned to sex. I don't tell you this for pity; I deserve none.

I tell you because I'm sick of lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told Nat Friday Night and I've spent the last two days in well deserved emotional hell.

The hardest judgement doesn't come from him.

No...he has forgiven me, he wants to help me out and start over.

He begs me not to leave and that he loves me.

I love him, but I cannot deny my heart is split into two.

I stil love Davydd and I alway will. Yes, I've been sleeping with Davydd for almost two years.

Not to mention various other male friends of mine, just to try and numb that pain. I've taken advantage of more than just Nat in this twisted way and I have to get it off my chest.

I've lied and slept around. Chances are I've lied at some point to everyone who can read this journal.

For that I'm sorry and I'm sorry that I took a lovely, perfect man and torn his heart out. I was sick and I am sick, but I'm making an effort to be better.

I want to get help, emotional if I can, medical if I must.

So if you have questions, email them. I'll be honest with you, because I haven't been honest in a long time. I've already told Bri and Molly about this in a seperate post and before.

The reason I didn't post it publicly and immediately is because I was scared. Terrified, that I would loose Nat and loose all my friends because of my actions.

Not to say none of you have loyalty, but I'm so fucked up I wouldn't fault any of you for not wanting to be associated with me.

So comments are open, if any one of you want to take your leave I'm not going to hold it against you. Call me a Liar, a Whore, A Bitch, A Failure, A Weakling...I don't care.

You wont be saying anything I haven't called myself already.

I'm sick and I've damaged alot of trust over the last six years, mostly for Nat and entirely for myself.

I'm afraid of myself....I don't even know who I am anymore.

But dammit, I'm not going to hurt Nat anymore. He wants be to stay and fix things and I will rot in the ditch with no one to call friend before I walk out on the best thing that ever happened to me just because I was stupid and tried to fuck it up by not seeking help and being honest with the man I love.

I won't leave him to suffer for my mistakes, for my sins. I'm taking responsibility for my actions.

Say whatever you want. Space is open. None of you could say anything to make me feel anymore like the pile of bile coated dog shit that I am right now


This Journal is henceforth considered...
Horse Moon

Comment and I will consider adding you

(no subject)
Horse Moon
Wishing Everyone a beautiful holiday season!

*annoyed sigh*
Horse Moon
Today seems to be the day where every other person I come across is in dire need of a two scoop sundae of "Mind your own fucking business."

*deep breath*
Horse Moon

I'm Married!

(no subject)
Horse Moon
Character Meme!
1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Then tag three people.
4. Feel free to go ahead and add some questions yourself!

How old are you?
"One Hundred and seventy-three years old"
"Um...well...ah 28"

What's your height?
"Taller than Sticky"
"Average for my gender"

What are you?
"A GhoulHunter"
"A GuildMistress"
"A Solider"

Do you have any bad habits?
"Only if you consider sexism, racism and being elitist bad habits"
"I fall for bad guys..well evil guys."
"I worry too much for my trade"

Are you a virgin?
"No, I have a lifemate thank you."
"Once upon a time, a long time ago"
"Yes and thats the way it stays"

Who's your mate/spouse? If not, got anyone in mind?
"Fleetfoot Buck, my wildhearted Celestial scholar"
"Mate? Well Ota'Taseva is my lover."

Do you have any kids?
"Not yet. My profession leaves little time for reproduction"
*eyes fill with tears" I did...
"Excuse me?"

What's your favorite food?
"Meat and no matter what Buck says I'm swallowing it whole. End of discussion"
"I've very fond of sweets, like pies and cookies. I love apples and a breakfest of sausage biscuits and gravy"
"Favorite? I'm happy for one bowl of soup"

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
"I'm not fond of cold food."

Have you killed anyone?
"Not, officially. It's very bad for business, you know. But I figure my top priority is to look after the experience of the best part of my clientèle, and if someone is being a flaming tool and knocking over the tea bowls, or making insulting comments during the dancing, or handling my girls like biscuit dough, or pawing through other clients' things, what can I do but roll his or her body out the back door with or without personal effects and/or a spirit attached?"

Do you hate anyone?
"Yes and I will not rest until I've dealt with them."
"Would you like a list? How about Mayhem, Akoya, Arquen, OceanRider, Tidus, and on occasion, Coto."

Have any secrets?
"I used to think so, but it seems everyone on Tyrra knows my business lately."
"Only one."

Do you love anyone?
"I love my lifemate and my Rosewidow family."
"Yes...people like Riven, Blue, Sapphire, Coto and Alabaster."

What is your job?
"To purge the stench of Undeath from Tyrra's noble face."
" I'm the Head GuildMistress of the Massuese's Guild of Mydyre"
"I'm a 1st Tier Warden of House Sylune"

Boy or girl?
"I find both genders attractive, but I ended up with a male. Go figure.
"I have found love and pleasure in both."
"Either makes a fine solider."

What do you do to relax?
"I never relax. Eat, Sleep, Hunt. Its what I do. Every so often though, I like my primary feather's stroked.

"Go swimming in the nearby river or lie in a field of flowers."

"A pint of beer and my old friend by my side."

What's something that you like?
"The smell of crisp winter snow in Zamora or the lingering honey scent on Buck's breath after a cup of mead."
"I like butterflies....and unicorns...dragon's breath and taint blood."
"My shield."

Where do you like to sleep?
"Anywhere with my lifemate."
"Inside of ward or circle of power, with Ota'Taseva by my side."
"Anywhere sandfree and warm."

Where were you born?
"The Mystic Woods, Northern Evandarr in a valley known as Erryn Falls."


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